It was Saturday. The first day off after going back to school and I felt the urge to clean. It already looked like we never had summer vacation, and the house had become dusty and cluttered in just one week. I hate clutter. I hate dust. The vacuum was calling my name, so I began to dust and clean my room and headed down the hall into the living room. I even had Susanna take the vents off the walls and clean behind there. No wonder my guys were all sneezing up a storm in the morning! Their sneezes can wake the dead too! I had Caleb help me move the couches and we cleaned out behind them, and what treasures we found hidden under those! I was disappointed there was no money though. Sometimes I like getting a tip for my effort. :)
I was on my way into the dining room when I noticed a little bracelet chain go into the vacuum hose and I quickly turned the machine off. "Did one of you girls have some important jewelry in here?" I asked. They did not remember, but we were worried that it was something they could not live without. I took the bag out onto the porch and began dissecting it over the trash. It was nasty! Hard to believe all that stuff was in our floors! What did people do before vacuums were even invented? And to think they lived on dirt floors once too!
I found Legos, band aids, paper clips, and other interesting objects I will not describe on here. Yet, there was no metal chain anywhere inside it. I emptied out the entire thing and threw the bag into the trash quite disappointed. There was only one other place to look. I had to make sure it did not get stuck inside the vacuum somewhere. I turned it over on its side and heard something metallic slide down. We shook the machine and out the hose came a little anklet chain. Alaina picked it up and said, "Oh, this is the broken one."
"Why didn't you throw it away?" I asked.
"Because I wanted to keep it." She answered and promptly took it to her room. Great. More clutter. :)
You may be wondering why I told this yucky story, but this morning I was feeling a bit discouraged about some things in my life. I go through these little pity parties sometimes and for a few brief moments I think about all the things that have seemed to go wrong in my life. It is easy to focus on the "if onlys", and the things "that might have been" and feel sorry for yourself. If only I had had more time to write this summer...if only I had finished that project...if only etc, etc. I easily get discouraged about my writing. There are days when I want to write another book, but something in me asks, "Why? You aren't selling many of your other books so maybe nobody likes your writing!" Even when it comes to these blogs I wonder why I do it. There are weeks that go by and I do not get a spark of inspiration and I feel discouraged about my major writer's block. Then suddenly something happens and a little light of an idea pops in and I know exactly what I am going to write about. Yet, what benefit does it have for me, and how does it affect others out there? I do not know. I simply know that I love to write, and that God wants me to use my talents for Him.
When it comes to writing my fifty-two letters of the year, I wonder if I should keep going with that too. I have kept up with it, though sometimes I skip a weekend and end up writing two the next, but I have been sending out those letters faithfully to whom the Lord lays on my heart. Sometimes I hear back and sometimes I don't. I leave them in the Lord's hands and ask Him to use it as He sees fit. Since He has given me these certain talents then it is up to Him to use them for His glory. It is not about me. It is not about what I have to give to others. It is about what He can through me for others and may He get the glory.
So, stop digging through the vacuum bag of life looking for the things that you lost. You may or may not find it, and besides, it may be broken when it comes back into your possession. Put your focus on the Lord and not on yourself. Look up from the old and you will find that your view will be different. The old, ugly,
hairy, broken things of the past will be thrown away as you look for what God has ahead of you. And that is something I want to do today too. God bless!
8/30/2014 01:34:42 pm
Just because nobody comments does not mean your blogs are
9/1/2014 08:56:11 am
I was thinking the exact same thing about my writing. No one other than you is reading my story. And why would I want to put on any more? But then I reminded myself I am writing for my enjoyment first, and then for others second. I have read a lot on fanfiction.net this spring and summer. You would be amazed at the fantastic stories and the authors ask for comments and none come. Yet, I'm sure many people are reading their stories. Just not commenting. It is nice to know that people like it, but we are a society that is very impersonal. Not giving much back. that makes it hard to want to write or blog. Just recently I thought back to my time on Xanga and it was fun. I found a lot of friends from faraway places, and it was like a community. They commented and encouraged me. I guess it just goes to show how important encouragement is. I should be doing more of it. Maybe that way it will come back to me. :) Thanks for sharing your struggles. It helped me to see I'm not the only one!
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