My God Knows What You Are Going Through

     Everywhere I look around I see the big 4/10 glaring at me, reminding me of what the day use to be, and what it is missing now. It is hard to believe that is has already been two years since my dear dad passed from this life to heaven. Today marks the second birthday that he has missed here on the earth. Two years ago this day was a much bigger occasion, what with all the baking we did of eclairs, his favorite!, or of a chocolate cake or some other goody that always put a smile on his face. It was exactly two years ago today that I saw my daddy smiling for the last time, as I skyped him, while the rest of my family was in the room with him at the nursing facility. Though he seemed very weak, and a bit out of sorts, he was still my sweet dad, looking back at me through the phone, wondering at the technology that allowed him to see me and my children's faces looking back at him when we were so many miles away. I watched him relish his eclair, all the while praying that he would hold it down so he could for once enjoy a meal without feeling sick afterwards. He opened his presents and smiled at me when he saw the CD of music I had made for him to listen to in the quiet of his room. He was very tired afterwards so they said they were going to wheel him back to his room and let him rest. I said my goodbyes, letting him know I loved him, and hung up, not realizing that that  would be the last time I would ever talk to him on this earth, that I would ever see him smile at me again. Oh, I tried to get there in time when my  mom told me that something was going on and I should think about coming to see him. I wanted my children to say goodbye to their grandfather one last time. I wanted to kiss his bearded cheek and feel him squeeze my hand one last time. But for some reason God said, "No." I don't understand why. To this day I still struggle with His answer. All I wanted was to say goodbye one more time. 
     I have not been sleeping very well every since April began. I had no idea why, though I did have a slight cold, but I was not coughing or being kept awake by illness. Yes, I have had a lot on my mind, and my brain has been having a hard time shutting down, but it suddenly hit me as to why I have been struggling to sleep. Even though I have not tried to think about it a lot, my subconscious is alert and remembers the trials of April 2015. Not to mention the fact that I am watching my dear Pastor's wife go through a similar situation and hearing all the updates and what is going on with her brings all the memories to the forefront and it feels like I am going through it again. My Pastor and his wife are like my parents away from home - when they suffer and go through trials I feel it too. When they are away, their absence leaves a loneliness and a feeling that it won't be right until they get home. When they return I always feel like saying, "Daddy's home again! All is well!" 
     Today in the car I was listening to a sermon and the preacher mentioned how Jesus knew what it was like to suffer loss. Yes, he raised up Lazarus, someone He loved very much, but that is not who I am talking about. Sometime during His life with His family, before His 30th year of ministry began, He lost the man who had married Mary even when he knew others would look down on him. He had attended the birth of baby Jesus that night in Bethlehem, and he had raised Jesus to be a carpenter. Joseph had been carefully chosen by God the Father to raise Jesus, because God knew He could trust him with His Son. But somewhere in that time Joseph passed away. Jesus found out what it felt like, as a human, to suffer lose of a loved one, someone who had been close to Him, someone whom Jesus had sat on his knee and listened to stories. Someone who had held His hand when crossing a busy road, or just taking a walk through a meadow to talk about God's amazing creation. Jesus was there when His mother watched her beloved husband pass on to heaven. He was there to comfort her, to put His arm around her, and let her cry on His shoulder. I am sure He shed some tears of grief too. Though He was God and knew what Joseph was seeing at the moment he crossed into heaven, Jesus was human too and found out what grief feels like. This happened for a reason; so He could relate to my sorrow and grief and know how to comfort me too. 
     A story was told to me recently that kind of sums up my thoughts:  a woman was coming out of a building, where next door was a bunch of construction vehicles and workers. She saw the tall lift truck, but didn't know if the guy inside the bucket knew she was coming out to cross the street. She hesitated to go, not wanting to get hit, and heard someone say, "I see you, sweetheart." The man inside the bucket high above her head had seen her pause and wanted her to know that he saw her and was watching her cross. It made her think of God looking down at her in this midst of a busy world, and saying, "I see you, sweetheart, and I am  watching over you." It comforts me too, to know that God is looking down at me from heaven, with my daddy is not far away. Someday I will get to join him up there and I will be able to hold his hand again, and worship Jesus with all my loved ones. 
 
Save a Seat at the Table
by Brian Free

I pictured you there where 
you wanted to be
finding your chair and then 
taking your seat
at the table where the marriage supper
is about to begin.
I imagined the banquet
that's waiting up there
that the saints of all ages 
together will share
and how I dream of that moment
when I'll finally see you again
Chorus:
And I know they’ll be millions of millions who've gone on before
and together we'll sit down to feast
with our savior and more
and I know you will be 
there looking for me
and I believe that somehow 
if you're able
you'll save me a seat
right next to you
at the table.