I am sitting on my grandmother’s couch taking in all the sights and sounds that surround me, loving how every little decoration, piece of furniture, clock tick, photo frame, even the slightest smell of cinnamon speaks of Grandma’s touch. Everything I see here makes me think of her. The only thing that is missing in this picture is my grandmother’s presence. I miss the sound of her puttering around in the kitchen, cooking up something yummy for me to eat, and the gentle patter of her feet as she softly walks around tending to everyone’s needs, making sure everyone is comfortable.
I am very happy to say that my grandmother is still very much alive, so do not feel too sorry for me. I am getting ready to go see her in a little bit at the nursing home where she is in rehab, and I know I will cherish every moment I have with her. Though it is not like it was when I was little, I still have the blessed opportunity to visit with her, talk with her, hold her hand, and give her lots of hugs. Yet, even as I sit here I cannot help the few tears that seem to stubbornly keep steaking down my cheeks. I want things to be just like they were. I hate the changes that come in life, though I am constantly finding myself dealing with a new change daily.
There are so many things in life that we do not like or that we do not understand. The verse from Luke 2:19 has been going around in my head lately, and the events of the last few weeks have made me relate to Mary, the mother of Jesus, as a woman. The verse simply says, “But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” So many times I find there are no words to speak to express what I am feeling inside. Then there are other times when I find the words that are going through my mind, or that I would like to say, should not be spoken at all. Those are the times when I need to hold my tongue. Some things are better left unsaid. Some things are better kept inside the heart until just the right time. Some things will work themselves out without my help. Yet, some words are never spoken, simply because we do not understand the why or reason of an event or circumstance. Like Mary, she was told many things about her infant that she could not grasp just yet. How could this little baby save the entire human population? He was so sweet and innocent, like a little lamb. She could not possibly fathom how those soft, tiny hands would someday have nails piercing through them, or that someone would want to spit on His precious face. So, she had to keep those things that the angel and shepherds had told her deep inside her heart, where only God could see and hear her anguished inner cries of 'why?'
I do not know what lies around the corner of my life, or for anyone else who is in my life. I watch and observe everything around me, taking it all in, storing things away in my memory and in my heart, just like Mary did. Though not much is mentioned about her personality, to me she seemed so down to earth, so simple even, in the way that she completely trusted God with her life and circumstances. She was totally surrendered to Him in all accounts. She simply accepted His will, and the things that she did not understand, she kept in her heart for the Lord to answer over time. I want to be like Mary and take Jesus for Who He is. Taking one day at a time; storing the things I know and those that I do not understand inside my heart. Pondering means prayer, and prayer means drawing closer to the Lord. May I be like Mary and draw closer to my Lord in every way that I can.
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